With curiosity and compassion, clients discover how to connect with their wounded parts to achieve empowerment. As they learn to accept and integrate these parts, clients experience a significant reduction in internal conflict, transforming the mind from a battleground to a peaceful, cooperative space. A foundational belief of IFS is that no part is inherently “bad”. While some types of therapy might try to get rid of behaviors or thoughts that cause us trouble, IFS tries to understand why these parts act the way they do.
Central to IFS psychotherapy is the concept of that each of us has a core “Self” that has innate wisdom and healing capabilities. Through a deeper understanding and appreciation of our parts, IFS therapy helps clients move toward internal and external connectedness. This process naturally leads to a reduction of internal conflict, as individuals learn not to battle against their parts but to embrace and integrate them with compassion. Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy helps people heal by teaching them to see their minds like a family made up of different parts. Each part has its own job, feelings, values, beliefs, desires, and ways of acting. Sometimes these parts work will together on the same team, or, at other times, be in conflict.
Much of our emotional pain stems from the internal struggle among these different parts. We might dislike or even hate parts of our personality we consider weak, dangerous, scared, or emotionally wounded. We often fail to recognize a core principle of IFS, which is that each part is inherently well-meaning, trying to help and protect us in its own way. However, despite their good intentions, their way of helping can actually make things worse for our overall well-being.
Healing begins when we stop fighting the parts of ourselves that we perceive as unhealthy and start understanding their motivations, purposes, and why they do what they do. By learning about their reasons, fears, and intentions using kindness and curiosity, we can start to work with them instead of against them.
Utilizing the IFS model of therapy, I help clients understand the diverse parts of themselves that make up their inner world and how these parts influence their actions. Within the IFS framework, “manager” parts are proactive protectors, working tirelessly to keep us feeling safe and maintain our emotional equilibrium so we don’t get hurt or feel bad, such as The Perfectionist, The Caretaker, The Planner, The Inner Critic, The Pleaser, and The Intellectualizer.
The other kind of protective part are the “firefighters”. However, these parts are like reactive emergency responders that kick in when we’re already feeling bad to try to quickly put out the emotional fire. “Firefighter” parts often use quick fixes that end up hurting us in the long run as they prioritize immediate relief over long-term well-being.
Some examples of “firefighter” parts are alcohol and drug abuse, disordered eating, excessive TV watching, shopping sprees, self-harm, promiscuity, violence, rage, dissociation, and suicidal thoughts. They can be sources of shame, reinforcing the cycle of negative self-perception and self-worth.
The other part we have in our psyche are called “Exiles”, and these are what our protector parts are typically protecting. Think of “exile” parts like the keepers of our deepest hurts and emotional wounds that carry the weight of our painful feelings and memories.
IFS therapy highlights the crucial role of the Self, which acts as the heart of healing within our psyche. The Self embodies the 8 C’s of Self Energy: curiosity, compassion, connectedness, clarity, creativity, courage, calmness, and confidence. This core aspect of our being is innately wise and ever-present, striving to bring balance and understanding to every part of our inner world without any judgement.
Through a process filled with empathy and encouragement, the Self makes every part feel seen, heard, understood, and valued, reducing their need to engage in extreme protection or avoidance behaviors. In parts work therapy, the goal is to lessen the fights of internal conflict among parts and create a healing space where all parts are integrated into a cohesive whole where the Self is in leadership, promoting a sense of peace and wholeness.
IFS therapy can be an effective approach that can help a wide range of people, whether clients are dealing with big life traumas, experiencing symptoms of PTSD, struggling with anxiety or depression, trying to overcome addiction, navigating through tough times in relationships, coping with grief, feeling ashamed, or wrestling with feelings of not being good enough or having low self-esteem.
Internal Family Systems is especially good at helping sort through painful memories and experiences. This includes major traumatic events that threaten a sense of safety, often called “Big T” traumas, like domestic violence, physical abuse, sexual assault, car accidents, war/combat exposure, or natural disasters. IFS therapy can also address “little t” traumas that are just as damaging, such as emotional abuse, being bullied, having emotionally unavailable parents, divorce, friend breakups, parentification, or LGBTQI+ issues.
Why I Incorporate IFS Into TherapyOnce I discovered IFS therapy, I was captivated and drawn to its principles and approach. The idea that really stuck with me is how IFS sees every part of us as valuable – there is nothing in us that we need to reject or label as “bad”. This was a huge shift in how I used to think about therapy. I also love the inclusivity IFS offers as a way to view the Self either as a spiritual essence for those who hold such beliefs, or simply as our highest and best version for those individuals not inclined towards spirituality.
Embracing IFS has fundamentally changed the way I work as a therapist and how I view the process of healing, and also my own personal beliefs on how I see people and the world. For me, IFS therapy is more than just a therapeutic approach—it’s a way of life. IFS is not just about making peace with ourselves—it’s about recognizing the value in every aspect of our being and working towards a harmonious coexistence. Such acceptance fosters deep healing, self-compassion, and a healthier, unified self, resolving issues that other modalities may overlook or not address.
Lastly, IFS therapy is non-pathologizing because it doesn’t treat personal struggles as defects within individuals but rather as part of the human experience. It is also incredibly intuitive and works in a way that feels natural.
Connecting to Self and understanding your parts can be a life-changing experience. If you would like to learn more about IFS therapy and how parts work can support your journey towards healing, please call or text Lauren DeRossette Counseling at 404-877-8806 or visit my contact page.
[1] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/10926771.2021.2013375
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